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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23071831">Moving Forward</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/anillani/pseuds/anillani'>anillani</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Junjou Romantica, Sekai-ichi Hatsukoi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Anxiety, Crossover, Crying, Established Relationship, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Sexual Content, Insecurity, Insomnia, Lack of Communication, Light Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Nightmares, Secrets, Slight OOC, but nothing annoying, couples helping couples</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 09:15:49</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>9,233</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23071831</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/anillani/pseuds/anillani</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Misaki and Usami are having an uncharacteristic rough patch, while Onodera and Takano are trying to figure out this whole "being a couple after 10 years" thing. They seem to run into each other at the perfect time.</p><p> </p><p>In which Misaki has nightmares, Usami is being secretive, Onodera is overly worried, and Takano is insecure.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Onodera Ritsu/Takano Masamune, Takahashi Misaki/Usami Akihiko</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>107</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. ROMANTICA: Secrets</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Okay HOW is this my first Junjou/Hatsukoi work???? I absolutely LOVE both these series so I really hope y'all enjoy this fic. I'm putting a lot into this lol.<br/>Anyways, enjoy :-)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Misaki awoke with a start, sweat beading on his neck and forehead. He blinked hard a couple times before sitting up and unconsciously feeling for Usami next to him, but his hand found the bed empty and cold. He sighed, flopping back down onto his back. Listening hard, he heard the clicking of the keyboard next door and steadied his breathing. The clock on the nightstand read 3:02.</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>A burst of inspiration after last night, I guess, </em>Misaki thought. Though he wished that Usami was in bed with him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Misaki had been having nightmares recently and he didn’t exactly know why. Maybe it was the long, progressively more stressful hours at Marukawa after school that had been steadily increasing, or the heavy homework each night, or the nearing anniversary of his parents’ death. Regardless, the nightmares were disturbing his sleep so significantly that he felt fatigued during the day; he’d slug about his day at school and work, then go home and nearly collapse while making dinner.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He tried to conceal it, of course. Usami had enough on his plate and Misaki didn’t want to add to his stress. He’d been working on a new novel lately and refused to share any details with Misaki. Not that he usually told him, anyway, it just seemed like he was <em>hiding</em> it this time, which also added to Misaki’s distress. The novel seemed important, though, a “big one,” as Aikawa said.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It got hard for Misaki to pretend nothing was wrong, though. When he’d wake up gasping for breath and on the verge of tears, he’d fight to stay quiet as he nestled back into Usami’s embrace.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The dreams were never graphic, always blurs of motion and a familiar, distant sense of panic. He recognized the scenes in front of his eyes every time, though; it was the same nightmare he’d had occasionally over the past fourteen or so years, the one where he watched his parents’ quick death right in front of him. It was a scene he’d imagined millions of times, whether when dreaming or awake. But now, there was something different. In the recent nightmares, instead of his parents, it was Usami in the driver’s seat. He’d swerve and collide with a car in the parallel lane. There’d be a deafening screech and bang, then dead silence aside from the raindrops pelting the cracked windshield. He’d turn to look at his lover and immediately wake up at the sight; clouded red and distorted into an unfamiliar swirl of features. The sight was mostly indistinguishable yet still understandable, like a painting in the process of being made, but his brain woke him up before finishing the picture.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>These nightmares persisted for weeks at a time, appearing almost every night. Usami had noticed a change in Misaki’s behavior, too. He noticed how he was slower to react, how he didn’t yell as much, how he was more clumsy than usual. Misaki had even somehow fallen asleep during sex one night. Usami was so concerned he nearly called an ambulance, thinking his lover was unconscious, but was stopped by a groggy Misaki grabbing his wrist loosely and slurring an “I’m okay. I’m just tired.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>From that point on, Usami kept an extra watchful eye on Misaki. He took note of the darkening bags under his eyes and the constant yawning. It wasn’t him. It wasn’t <em>his</em> Misaki, and he hated it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>Maybe it’s my fault…</em> he thought one night after Misaki, yet again, fell asleep directly after finishing. He had cleaned Misaki up and tucked him in and was now lying next to him under the comforter. He combed his fingers through Misaki’s bangs. <em>Am I pushing you too hard?</em> Kissing his forehead, he whispered, “You can talk to me. I love you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>But Misaki was fast asleep by then.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Usami awoke with a start. He sat up in his desk chair and stretched out his neck and back, wincing at the stiffness from laying bent over for hours.</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>I guess I fell asleep</em>, he thought. He glanced up at his computer screen. The document for his latest novel had already gotten to around eighty pages. He smiled before standing up and making his way downstairs for breakfast.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He’d been skipping meals with Misaki lately and the guilt was finally getting to him. It <em>was</em> him who insisted they eat together whenever they could, and now he was going and breaking that promise. This book was taking his attention so intensely, though. He couldn’t tear himself away from his computer, the words just kept flowing. Not that that was an excuse to ignore his lover, but he couldn’t really help it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He yawned and stretched once more as he padded down the stairs. He stepped into the kitchen as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Good morning, Misaki,” he said.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>But Misaki wasn’t there.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. NOSTALGIA: Worry</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I'm gonna try and post 2 chapters at a time, 1 Romantica and 1 Nostalgia. This fic will probably be around 8 chapters?? But that may change.<br/>Enjoy! :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Takano grabbed Onodera’s hand once they turned the corner and Marukawa’s front entrance was out of view.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Onodera gasped. “Takano-san! What do you think you’re doing?” he sputtered.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m holding your hand,” Takano said with a snicker. He leaned into Onodera’s ear. “Ritsu.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>His whisper sent a shiver down Onodera’s spine, but he quickly stepped away. “We can’t do this here!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Stop worrying so much, it’s fine. So what if someone sees?” He took Onodera’s hand back more firmly this time, and Onodera complied. But he couldn’t quite ignore the churning in his stomach or the rapid beating of his heart. He wanted to hide, to cry, to vomit, he didn’t know. He just wished Takano would <em>stop.</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>They had been dating for a month and Onodera still couldn’t shake that nagging feeling bubbling up in the back of his mind, that constant hovering cloud above his head.</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>Two men holding hands… Others will judge, right? And we could get </em>fired<em> if we’re seen by someone from the company! Takano-san is my boss, there’s no way this is allowed. People are probably staring, too. I don’t want to look. This is bad, I might scream. My heart needs to STOP pounding…! </em>Onodera’s thoughts were all over the place and he couldn’t quiet them.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Um… Takano-san? Could you please let go?” he said after a moment.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Why?” His voice was flat and his eyes glaring forward.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I just… I don’t know, isn’t it embarrassing for you, too?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Is that all it is?” He glanced over at Onodera momentarily, one eyebrow raised.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Onodera fidgeted. “Well, yeah…” His voice trailed off and he dropped it, letting Takano hold his hand the rest of the way to the station.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Takano just couldn’t fathom why Onodera was still so incompliant. They were supposed to be dating, to be <em>in love</em>! Why couldn’t he just get over his damn insecurity? He kept telling himself to give him time, to let it happen naturally. He didn’t want their relationship to fall through like ten years ago. He couldn’t let that happen. But did Onodera feel the same? Sure, he finally admitted his love, but were they really on the same page?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Takano didn’t get it. Maybe he never would.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Onodera collapsed onto his bed. He was drained after wrestling Takano out of his doorway and making a hollow promise to eat some <em>actual</em> food. He sighed as he closed his eyes.</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>Maybe I should’ve let him come over. I mean, it’s probably not too late. He’ll probably cook. Then we would eat a good dinner together. Then…</em> He shook his head. <em>No! We have to get up early, we can’t. </em>His mind danced with images of Takano holding him, touching him, kissing him. He didn’t open his eyes back up, despite intending on eating at least something.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Onodera was startled awake by a knock at his door. He was still in his work clothes, laying on top of his comforter. He stumbled to the door. “Coming!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He rubbed his eyes with a yawn before undoing the lock and opening up the door, only to be faced with the man he’d been fantasizing about not an hour earlier.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Ah, Takano-san, what is it?” he mumbled, stretching his stiff shoulders.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I came over with some food. I figured you wouldn’t keep your promise, and it looks like I assumed right.” He stepped inside and Onodera didn’t fight it. “Did you really go straight to sleep? It’s only 6:30.” Despite the subtle jab, he smiled and ruffled Onodera’s hair as he slipped his shoes off.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well, I was tired.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Eat first, sleep later.” Onodera followed him into his apartment. “Seriously, what would you do without me around?” Takano smiled, looking back at his lover briefly. He was surprised by the blushing scowl he was met with. <em>Wasn’t what I said normal? Am I not allowed to even joke with you?</em> He turned back around and wordlessly began unpacking and warming the dinner he brought.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Onodera merely watched.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thanks for reading! Kudos and comments are appreciated! :D</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. ROMANTICA: Suspicions</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hey i'm finally back sorry lol. i think i'll actually finish soon though. hope you're still enjoying :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Misaki wasn’t in the kitchen when Usami woke up.</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>It’s already nine, he’s never asleep this late, </em>Usami thought.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Misaki?” he called again but was met with complete silence. He went back upstairs and checked his bedroom. There Misaki was, curled under the covers and sleeping blissfully. Usami crouched down next to the bed and called his lover’s name quietly.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Misaki stirred and his eyelids fluttered open. “What is it, Usagi-san?” he said, blinking as his eyes adjusted to the light.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It’s already nine, you’re usually up by now.” He touched the back of his hand to Misaki’s forehead. “Are you feeling sick?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Misaki squirmed away from Usami’s touch and shook his head. “Stop worrying so much, you sleep in all the time.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Exactly, <em>all the time</em>. You never sleep in. Of course I’d be worried.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well, I’m fine, so I’ll get up and make you some breakfast, okay?” Misaki pushed himself out of bed and staggered to the bathroom to wash his face. Usami watched him, still wrestling the unease prodding at his thoughts. But he left it be and went to the kitchen to wait for Misaki.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p>That night, Usami made sure to go to bed at a reasonable time. He and Misaki hadn’t gone to sleep together in a while, so when he heard Misaki brushing his teeth in the bathroom, he shut his computer down and joined him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He held Misaki in his arms when they got to bed, cradling his head as he kissed at his lips. It had been a while since they’d kissed like this. Misaki clung to Usami’s shirt and let himself fold into the touch of his lover. Relaxing in his arms, Misaki let out a soft sigh before Usami pulled back. He gave Misaki one last peck on the forehead and tucked himself in.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Good night, Misaki.” He clicked off the bedside lamp and situated himself with Misaki in his arms.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Good night…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Misaki found himself suspicious. When was the last time they had sex? They were finally going to bed at the same time, wasn’t that the perfect opportunity? Misaki fidgeted in his lover’s embrace, struggling under the weight of the arms around him and wriggling out of his hold. Usami merely grunted and continued sleeping.</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>He’s usually so persistent… What’s changed? Is it me?</em> Misaki thought. <em>And there’s that new project, too. He and Aikawa haven’t said a word about it.</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>But he was too tired to think any more of it and let himself be sucked into sleep.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Misaki woke violently yet again. He blinked hard, forcing the images of the nightmare from his head and steadied his breathing.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Usami wasn’t awake.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Yet.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He stirred at Misaki’s movement and, half asleep, pulled him back into his embrace.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What’s wrong?” Usami asked. He kissed the top of Misaki’s head.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Nothing’s wrong, I just woke up suddenly is all.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Are you sure?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>He’s too perceptive</em>. “Yes, I’m sure, now let me go back to sleep.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Usami sighed and closed his eyes again. “Fine. But please don’t hide things from me, we’re past that.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Misaki felt a pang in his stomach. Usami was right; they were past keeping secrets and being solicitous. But Usami was keeping a secret of his own, right? Wasn’t he being a bit too hypocritical?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Or maybe Misaki was too sensitive.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>thanks for reading! &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. NOSTALGIA: Steps</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>yoooo I'm back and I'm in the mood for some jr/sih sooooo expect some more updates here within the next few weeks :))</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Takano and Onodera ate together, and they almost felt like a normal couple.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Almost.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It’s not that they didn’t act like a couple, because they did, but it was that <em>fear</em> gnawing away at Onodera’s brain that held any developments back. Takano still insisted he stay the night, though, because “We’re lovers, so why not?” And he had a point. Onodera couldn’t argue it, and quite frankly, he didn’t want to.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was a lovely night together under the sheets as always, but the tension was still ever-present.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Onodera woke up to the smell of eggs and the warm sun filtering through the blinds. He stumbled into the kitchen where Takano had just finished cooking.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Good morning, Ritsu. Eat up,” Takano said, setting a plate in front of Onodera.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Thanks.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Takano sat down across from him. “So, what the hell is actually going on?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Onodera stared for a moment. “Pardon?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’re still being weird with me even though we’re dating.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well, it’s not like I’m a different person.” Onodera chomped his eggs with a scowl. He hated how he could be broken down so easily.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“That’s true, but I figured we would at least be a little more normal now that we’re together. Guess I shouldn’t have expected so much, though.” Takano no longer met Onodera’s eyes.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They ate in silence, minds lingering on the ever-present tension running between them like an electrical wire. After they were both already half-finished, Onodera finally spoke up.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well, I’m scared, okay?” His voice was quiet, wavering, even.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Takano’s gaze shot up, but he didn’t dare say a word.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>After a brief pause, Onodera continued. “I don’t want to mess up again. I don’t want… to hurt you again.” He busied himself with another mouthful of eggs to distract from the growing churn in his stomach as Takano processed what he had said.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I don’t want that either,” Takano said, putting his hand over Onodera’s, who glared at their joined fingers with furrowed brows.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What?” he snipped, glare shifting to Takano.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I love you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Onodera’s face heated up. “I know…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“That’s when you say, ‘I love you, too,’” Takano griped, but a smile spread over his lips. He added, softer, “And I won’t let that happen again. You’re not running away this time.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>There was a long silence again as Onodera cast his gaze down. “Even if I want to?” he said.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“…Do you want to?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>At this, Onodera froze. <em>Did</em> he want to run away? It was what was comfortable, after all, what he’d done for months, years even. So, yes, he <em>wanted</em> to, but he also <em>longed</em> to be spoiled by Takano, <em>longed </em>to be held in his strong arms, <em>longed</em> to wake up next to him every morning. Not that he’d admit it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Onodera.” Takano squeezed his hand and Onodera shook his head. He was still avoiding eye contact, but it was communication, and communication meant progress. “Good.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Onodera! Where’s Mutou-sensei’s manuscript? You said you’d let me read it over two hours ago.” Takano said, bopping Onodera’s head with a roll of papers as he passed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Sorry, sorry, I’ll work harder,” Onodera replied solemnly.</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>What do you mean you’ll ‘work harder?’ </em>Takano thought as he sat at his desk. <em>This is when you’d usually make some pointless jab at me or claim to be doing just fine. </em>God<em>, what’s up with him? Why is he so tense around me? What am I not doing right? </em>He found himself chewing his lip as he worked, a headache beginning to throb behind his eyes. <em>What do I need to do to get Ritsu to </em>accept me<em> already?</em></p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. MIX: 5 pm</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>wow I just posted like 10 minutes ago I'm doing so well. ty for reading this far, lovelies, hope you continue to enjoy :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Misaki and Usami ate breakfast in their usual peaceful quiet. Misaki then did the dishes like normal, and after slipped on his shoes and coat to head to school.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh, Misaki!” Usami called across the living room. “What time do you get off work today?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Five, why?” He sat on the floor to tie his shoes.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I have to go in at 4:30 for a meeting. It shouldn’t take too long. If you wait a few minutes, we can go home together.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Misaki hated just how excited he was about that. “Sure. The train is crowded at rush hour, anyways.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Usami came up behind Misaki as he stood up. “Perfect.” He kissed the crown of Misaki’s head and lingered a moment to take a deep sniff of his hair. “See you at five, then. Have a good day.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Misaki grinned and pecked Usami on the lips. He’d been getting better at initiating little kisses like that. “Bye, bye.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Usami ruffled his hair with a warm smile as he stepped out the door and took a sip of coffee before heading back to his office to continue writing.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Onodera, come over tonight,” Takano said, setting a cup of coffee on his lover’s desk. “We should get out a little earlier than usual today, given that we seem to be on track.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“…Okay,” Onodera said, trying to hide the growing flush in his cheeks. He didn’t like this kind of talk when at work. Sure, it was harmless; boss and subordinate who clearly had a close personal relationship, romantic or otherwise, spending time together after work wasn’t completely out of the ordinary, and it’s not like their coworkers cared one way or another, yet it still <em>bothered</em> him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>But Takano simply chuckled under his breath as they went back to work.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Five o’clock finally rolled around. Onodera stretched his neck and back, leaning back in his chair.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Kisa sighed leisurely next to him. “When was the last time I could leave this early without too much work left over?” he chirped, rubbing out a sore spot in his shoulder. “I’m off, you guys, good work today.” He waved as he grabbed his things and exited the office.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Takano came up behind Onodera and placed a hand on his shoulder. “Should we get going, too? You’ve pretty much finished, right?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Onodera was hyper-aware of the heat radiating from that hand. “Ah, yeah, I’m just wrapping up. Let me send a quick email and I’ll be ready.” He tried to focus as best he could on typing but found himself distracted by the man’s sheer <em>presence</em> behind him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Once the email was sent, the pair headed out.</p>
<p>               </p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Misaki waited patiently for his lover in the lobby, happy to be able to go home in the luxury sports car for once.</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>I can’t get too used to this</em>, he thought with a chuckle. The elevator then dinged and Misaki perked up. The doors slid open, revealing Usami having an animated conversation with… who?</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. MIX: Meeting</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>heya I'm back! I have no idea how long this fic will be, I've ended up straying away from my original plan, so I guess we'll just have to see! I appreciate you reading this far though &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Usami left that meeting room as fast as he could. He <em>hated</em> meetings, that was common knowledge, but he was especially in a hurry because Misaki was waiting for him, and they hadn’t spent much time together lately what with him being so busy with his latest project.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Checking the time on his phone, he rushed to the elevator. 5:15. Relieved that he hadn’t left Misaki waiting for too long, he pressed the elevator button with a sigh. A moment later, the doors slid open and, to his surprise, he was met with a familiar face.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Onodera-san?” Usami said as he stepped into the elevator.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Usami-sensei! It’s been a while, how are you?” Onodera extended his hand for Usami to shake. Takano furrowed his brow from behind Onodera, trying not to eye Usami too obviously. He was one of Marukawa’s most successful authors, after all. He couldn’t afford to be rude.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>But he knew Onodera.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’ve been great,” Usami replied with a smile, though it wasn’t fake like it usually was in these scenarios. “Do you work here, now? You should have contacted me.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Ah, yes, I transferred to Marukawa a few months ago.” Onodera fidgeted. “I’m actually working in shoujo manga now, though. In fact, this is my boss.” He gestured to Takano with a smile, who shook Usami’s hand.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Takano Masamune, Emerald’s editor-in-chief. It’s a pleasure to meet such an esteemed author.” There was an atmosphere like electricity between them, as if two alpha males were fighting over territory. Onodera perceived the shift, of course, wondering why, just <em>why</em> Takano had to be so overbearing. Usami didn’t budge, though. “If I may ask, how do you know Onodera, here?” Takano faked a smile as he spoke.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh, I was Usami-sensei’s editor for some time back at my father’s company,” Onodera chimed, trying to reassure Takano subtly.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yes, he’s a fantastic editor.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh, I’m aware,” Takano said, eyes shooting daggers at Usami.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Anyways!” Onodera said. “What are you working on now? You haven’t released a new book in a while, it must be something big.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah, I’m trying to take my time with this one. Get it perfect.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Onodera noted absently that that seemed a little out of character for the man; usually, his books were effortless masterpieces. Then again, it had been <em>years</em> since they last spoke. Usami had changed. So had Onodera, quite frankly, so who was he to talk?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Onodera tried to keep up the idle chitchat and keep Takano at bay until they could leave. The elevator then finally reached the first floor and the doors slid open.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>There was a noticeable shift in Usami’s demeanor; his eyes lit up and his posture improved ever so slightly. He nearly skipped out of the elevator, halting their conversation immediately. He strode across the lobby and, <em>Oh, I see, </em>Onodera thought.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Usami left the elevator and was by Misaki’s side in a flash.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I didn’t make you wait long, did I?” He ruffled Misaki’s hair and his features softened, his mind finding peace in his lover’s presence after such an eventful few hours.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Not at all,” Misaki said, matching Usami’s smile. “Who were you talking to?” He tried to conceal his jealousy, even if it was small. But then again, Usami probably wouldn’t mind if Misaki was jealous.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Wait, jealousy? Misaki pushed that thought back. <em>There’s no way, I’m not that immature.</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh, them?” Usami waved Onodera and Takano over. “This is Onodera Ritsu. He was my editor before I came to Marukawa.” Misaki nodded, feeling relieved, and admittedly a little mad at himself for being agitated in the first place. “And this is his boss…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Takano Masamune,” Takano said, still tense. They both shook Misaki’s hand, though, pasted work smiles and all.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It’s nice to meet you, I’m Takahashi Misaki. I’m a part-timer here.” Misaki noticed the way Usami stepped a little closer when he shook Takano’s hand. <em>What’s with him? I’m just being polite</em>. He glanced at Onodera, meeting his eyes briefly. He gave Misaki a sheepish smile that said, “God I wish they would calm down, too.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>Maybe I’ve found a friend</em>, Misaki thought.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. MIX: "Formalities"</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>more content yay! I think I have an idea of where this will go lol, so sit tight :-) ty for reading as always xoxo</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It made sense.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Onodera had long since suspected that Usami was gay, so it wasn’t too surprising to watch him perk up at the sight of the part-timer waiting in the lobby. He was happy for the man. His books were much less depressing nowadays, and even just meeting in the elevator had made Onodera notice the slight changes in demeanor. It was almost heartwarming, in a way.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>But that had to wait, because Takano was still brooding, even as they were walking home.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Why did you have to go and get that part-timer’s number?” Takano mumbled.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Am I not allowed to have friends? He seemed nice, and we got to chat for a minute while <em>someone</em> was off sweet-talking a <em>certain</em> author.” Onodera released Takano’s hand in favor of jabbing a finger into his ribs.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“As someone in a higher status at the company, I need to keep a good image and maintain a friendly relationship with our authors.” Takano snatched Onodera’s hand back. “He seemed on edge, so I reassured him, is all.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What’s that supposed to mean?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Takano didn’t respond for a moment.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Did you not notice?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Onodera stared, brows furrowed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“He was intimidated, I think. Jealous. That kid was probably his lover.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh, that? Yeah, I noticed.” Onodera shrugged. “Not like it really matters, though, right? And what’s so intimidating about <em>you</em>? He’s a millionaire and one of the company’s most prolific authors, do you really think he’d find you worthy competition?” Onodera couldn’t help poking fun.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Takano began a retort, but Onodera’s hand tightened around Takano’s as he continued.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It’s not like I’d let that happen anyways,” he mumbled.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Takano nearly choked, his brain racing to process what his lover just said. <em>Progress? </em>he thought. <em>Is this progress? </em>He nearly kissed Onodera right then, but he knew he’d get yelled at. He merely blinked and watched Onodera out of the corner of his eye, soaking in the pounding in his chest and the twinge in his stomach.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Aren’t you going to say something?” Onodera said, his grip on Takano’s hand loosening.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I love you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Onodera spluttered. “That’s not… right now?” He bit his lip and willed away the flush in his cheeks.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well? <em>Aren’t you going to say something</em>?” Takano hissed with a grin.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Like hell.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Takano pulled Usami aside and spoke to him in a hushed tone, quiet enough that their lovers couldn’t hear.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Ah, sorry about… that,” Misaki said, gesturing to Usami. “He can be a bit overbearing sometimes. He’s just… protective?” He laughed nervously.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Believe me, it’s alright. Takano-san is the same.” Onodera offered a warm smile. <em>Is this kid really Usami’s type?</em> Onodera thought. He s<em>eems a bit… normal.</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I tell him he can’t get so worked up at everything, but he never listens!” Misaki grumbled. “Like seriously, I’m an adult!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Onodera chuckled. “Takahashi-kun, was it?” Misaki nodded. “How about we exchange phone numbers? I feel like we have a bit in common. I’ve been trying to make friends at the company, anyways.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Misaki smiled. “Sure!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>As they exchanged contact info, Usami and Takano came back. They eyed the two before going to the sides of their respective lovers.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Are you done?” Onodera said, glowering.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yes, yes, let’s go,” Takano said. The two waved and said their goodbyes before exiting the building.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“So, you got Onodera-san’s phone number?” Usami asked.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Ah, yeah, he suggested it. He seems nice.” Misaki shoved his phone into his bag, quickly adding, “What did you talk about with Takano-san?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Usami faltered. Misaki took note that he seemed to be thinking, searching for an answer. “Oh, it was merely work formalities. Boring stuff that you wouldn’t understand,” he teased with a smile.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Misaki grumbled, but laced his fingers in Usami’s, nonetheless. “Let’s go home, Usagi-san.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. MIX: Pleasantries and Whirlpools</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>i'm back!!!!! wow i'm SO sorry oml i got very unmotivated for this fic lol. it got a little hard after I strayed from my outline but I think I have a better idea of what I'm doing now. anyways, sorry for the delay, but I'll hopefully be updating this over the next few weeks</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“You and Takahashi-kun are a couple, correct?” Takano whispered.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Usami glared, analyzing the man before him before sighing. “If you must know, yes, we are.” He glanced over at Misaki, who was chatting with Onodera. “Why is that of concern to you?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I need advice.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Usami raised a brow. “And why do I need to provide that advice?” He crossed his arms.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Because I’m at a loss and you guys seem to be doing well.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Again, why does this concern me? Also, how the hell can you tell how ‘well’ we’re doing?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Takano sighed. “It doesn’t concern you, I guess. I’m just grabbing at strings here.” He ran a hand through his hair, and Usami noted that he had completely disregarded his last question. “Look, I know this is all coming from left field, but I really don’t know where to turn anymore. You know a side of Onodera that I don’t, an Onodera from before he came here.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Usami shook his head. “Fine, whatever. I mean, I really don’t know him very well, but do you want my number?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Usami didn’t even flinch at the mention of Takano being romantically involved with Onodera. Takano would like to think that it’s because he’s accepting, but he knows the real reason is that he genuinely doesn’t care.</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>Maybe I am going crazy,</em> Takano thought.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Misaki willed his breathing to steady as he lay in bed. He looked to the clock: 2:24 am.</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>That damn nightmare again</em>, he thought, shutting his eyes and rolling over onto his back. <em>And Usagi-san isn’t even in bed yet.</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>Misaki had to wonder just what was <em>so special</em> about this new novel. So special that Usami continuously kept Misaki in the dark. Well, he never really went out of his way to talk about his other novels, to be fair; he would only speak of them when asked. But this one was taking much longer, and Aikawa was hyping it up to be <em>quite</em> the story.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Misaki also had to wonder why he cared so much. He’d never been particularly invested in any of Usami’s previous works, though he did read them all. He just hated this feeling wrenching in his stomach. He hated that it felt like things were being <em>hidden</em> from him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Am I just overreacting? And it’s not like I can just ask Usagi-san. What if he gets upset?</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The novel was also taking Usami’s attention from a certain issue playing out right beneath his nose. He was aware of Misaki’s recent lack of sleep, but not so much the extent of it as the fact that it was happening.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Misaki couldn’t remember the last time he slept straight through the night. Some nights he’d wake up from the nightmare once, sometimes once, even three times. It was easier with Usami next to him, but that was pretty rare nowadays.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>What’s worse was that he had trouble even <em>falling</em> asleep now because he was so scared he’d have that dream again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Tonight was no exception. He awoke at 2:24 with his heart jumping into his throat and his body drenched in sweat. He tried to drift off again, but each time he would nearly be asleep, a wave of tingling anxiety would wash over him from head to toe and he would be bolt upright again. It was torture, being dragged out of his near-asleep state every ten minutes by that incessant nausea.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was 3 am and he was exhausted.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>3:30 and he was starved for someone, <em>anyone’s</em> voice, for their touch upon his skin, for human contact of any kind.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>4 and he couldn’t hold back the tears any longer. He sobbed, not even bothering to try to sleep anymore.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>I need help, I need help. It’s too much. All I want is to feel okay.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>4:30 and his mind was spinning. His thoughts had become a never-ending whirlpool spinning faster and faster by the second. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>This went on until Usami finally came to bed around 6 am.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Misaki was sitting up, knees drawn in and head down. His nails dug into his forearms, biting into his flesh and leaving red imprints in their wake.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He startled when the door creaked open and looked up. He blinked the tears from his eyes and pretended to stretch, but Usami was already holding his face between his palms in a matter of seconds.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Misaki, are you okay? What’s wrong?” Usami said, voice quiet and trembling. “Something’s been up with you lately. Please tell me what’s going on. I can’t bear to see you like this anymore.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Misaki couldn’t even register the words his lover was saying. All he could focus on were those large hands cradling his face, the skin-on-skin contact, the shared warmth, the feel of each individual trembling finger upon his cheek. And Usami’s <em>voice</em>, God had he been longing to hear it for what felt like a lifetime. It resonated sweetly in his ears and made him shiver in what he could only perceive as relief.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Misaki burst into tears.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>sorry for getting a lil bit dramatic there with the insomnia stuff lol. I've been having bouts lately and it felt nice to put my experience on the paper, so sorry if that felt a bit exaggerated. ty for reading tho if you've stuck around this long!! &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. ROMANTICA: Opening Up</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The sob broke out of Misaki so violently that his entire body shook with the force of it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Usami flinched, pulling his hands back and staring wide-eyed at Misaki.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m sorry,” Misaki wailed, trying to wipe the tears from his face. But they kept coming faster than he could get rid of them. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I don’t- I don’t know why… I’m sorry.” His crying continued and he clung to Usami with weak hands.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Usami merely cradled Misaki to his chest. “It’s okay, Misaki. Stop apologizing, you’ve done nothing wrong.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I… I made you worry.” Misaki sniffled. “And- and I couldn’t just <em>talk</em> to you like I promised. I’m sorry.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Usami tried to shush him the best he could. I didn’t know what to do in these situations. Crying Misaki wasn’t exactly something he dealt with often.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>So, he kissed him. He kissed him slow and tender with a delicate press of his lips, like their first kiss when Misaki was crying for him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And somehow, just like that time, Misaki’s tears stopped. He held Usami to him, grasped his face and didn’t let him pull away.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When he did pull away, he released a shaky breath. “I love you, Usagi-san,” he said. His voice was hoarse and trembling, but still full of conviction. “I love you and I’m sorry.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I love you, too. And I told you to stop apologizing.” Usami pressed their foreheads together. “Just tell me what’s going on.” His voice was a whisper now, and still just as gentle. “I promise I won’t be mad, and I promise you’re not a nuisance. You know all I want is for you to be happy, Misaki.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Misaki sniffled as he felt tears burn behind his eyes again. He took a moment to breathe before speaking. “I’ve been having this one nightmare lately.” He pulled his head away from Usami in favor of snuggling into his shoulder where he could soak in his warmth. “It’s the same one as when I was a kid, where my parents…” He swallowed. “You know. And I can’t stop them. But now it hasn’t been them driving.” He pressed his face into Usami’s neck. “It’s been you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He let that sit for a moment, feeling as if that was enough information for Usami to grasp the situation.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Usami wrapped an arm around Misaki’s shoulders, bringing his other hand to cradle his head. “<em>Misaki</em>,” he said. His voice was on the verge of cracking. “It’s okay,” is all he could say, because he really didn’t know what to offer to comfort his lover. “I’m here, and I’ll never leave your side. I promise.” He felt a wet heat soak into the fabric of his shirt, accompanied by the hitch of Misaki’s breath.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I know. Thank you.” Misaki wrapped his arms around Usami. “It’s hard. I feel like I’m too old for nightmares, you know?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Usami sighed. “You’re not too old for nightmares, Misaki. You were traumatized as a child, and you are never too old to feel those emotions. Don’t bring yourself down when you’re already hurting.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Misaki squeezed his eyes shut and didn’t respond. He let himself melt into his lover’s embrace, relax into the touch he had been yearning for so deeply all night.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>ty for reading&lt;3&lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. NOSTALGIA: Confessions</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>you thought the last chapter was dramatic? oh just you wait my friend</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>In the month they had been a couple so far, Takano made it a habit to wake up before Onodera and make him breakfast when they spent the night together. It wasn’t particularly hard, though, given that Onodera tended to be a pretty heavy sleeper, and they didn’t exactly get to bed at a good time most nights. The previous night was no exception, by any means (let’s just say Takano was a bit <em>excited</em> after Onodera’s proclamation that he wouldn’t let him be competition for another man’s lover).</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He squinted in the early morning light streaming into the window. He sat up and stretched before looking down at Onodera, who was peacefully asleep. Takano brushed his bangs out of his face and kissed his forehead before slipping out of bed, careful not to disturb his snoozing lover.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>After brushing his teeth and prepping breakfast, Takano pulled out his phone. He opened the text conversation he had had with Usami Akihiko the night before.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>Hello, Usami-sensei. It’s Takano Masamune</strong>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <strong>Hello</strong>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <strong>I was hoping I could go ahead and ask for your advice now</strong>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>Usami didn’t respond to that, so he took it as a signal to continue.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>I’m feeling insecure about my relationship with Onodera. We’ve been together formally for a month, but we haven’t really made progress. Our relationship was complicated before that, we dated in high school and were essentially together since we met again, but it still isn’t quite right</strong>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <strong>How so? </strong>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <strong>He doesn’t seem as invested as me</strong>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <strong>Sounds familiar</strong>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <strong>Do you have any advice, then?</strong>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <strong>I don’t know, things just kind of worked out with Misaki. He came around eventually, he was just shy. Onodera-san probably just needs time</strong>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <strong>I’ve given him time, though. He’s had six months to think about us, and ten years before that. How long do I have to wait?</strong>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <strong>I don’t know. But you can’t rush, even if you want to. He’ll just be put off</strong>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <strong>But if I’m not pushy then he won’t do anything himself and we won’t get anywhere</strong>
</p>
<p><br/>Try being subtle about it<br/>Start slow with small things. Give him time to process. Once he’s experienced the small acts, bigger ones won’t seem as bad.</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>Takano read through the texts and sighed. <em>Just how the hell do I go about that?</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Takano-san, don’t you think you’re getting a little too comfortable?” Onodera said with a sigh. Despite his statement, he set a coffee mug down on the table where Takano was sitting.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Takano’s belongings had slowly begun to make their way into Onodera’s apartment after his conversation with Usami. He tried to slowly push himself into Onodera’s life little by little. First, it was his work supplies and manuscripts on the coffee table, then a toothbrush on the bathroom counter, then some clothing in the top drawer of the dresser, then a couple of books on the nightstand, then a blanket on the bed, which was now balled up in Onodera’s fist.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Isn’t this a bit much?” he said, waving the bunched-up comforter for emphasis. “This is <em>my</em> apartment, you know.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah, and I’m <em>your</em> boyfriend,” Takano snipped, sipping his coffee. His eyes never even left the manuscript in front of him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Onodera nearly screamed. “And you live next door! Have you forgotten?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“How could I forget when I have to keep going back to get things?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Okay, well you wouldn’t <em>have</em> to keep going back if you would just <em>stay there</em>!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Takano’s mug hit the table with a thud. He slipped his glasses off and turned to Onodera. “Why are you so mad about this? You know, if it wasn’t for me, this apartment wouldn’t be so clean right now. You also probably wouldn’t have eaten breakfast, either. Hell, you wouldn’t have even been awake yet.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Onodera stood lamely for a moment, mouth hanging open but not forming any sound.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Takano pinched the bridge of his nose. “Seriously, why does it bother you so much? Do you really hate the idea of living with me that much?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Onodera swallowed and turned his gaze away. “No?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Can you say it as if it’s not a question?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Onodera gritted his teeth. “No! I don’t hate the idea! In fact, I love the idea! But that’s the fucking problem!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Takano blinked. He merely stared at Onodera.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Sorry, I didn’t mean to yell. That was rude.” He turned to leave the room, but Takano had already sprung forward. He grabbed Onodera’s wrist.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You want to live with me?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Onodera bit his lip and nodded. “Of course I do.” His voice was barely above a whisper. “I lo- I love you, after all. Of course I want to be with you all the time.” He took a deep breath but continued before Takano could butt in. “I said it before. I’m scared. I know I’m gonna screw all this up somehow.” He looked to Takano and stared into his eyes.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Takano’s heart skipped a beat at the way Onodera looked at him. So open, so earnest. After all this time, he was <em>finally</em> being honest.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Is that really all it is?” Takano asked.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Onodera hesitated. Was it? Was that really all?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Takano released his wrist in favor of pulling him into a hug. He breathed in the scent of Onodera’s hair before speaking. “I’m worried too, you know.” He raked his fingers through Onodera’s bedhead. “But I know that even if things don’t work out, I would much rather have tried than have been passive and let you get away without a fight. I love you so much I can hardly stand it.” He bit his lip and held Onodera tighter. “I honestly can’t see myself loving anybody but you, Ritsu. Ever. Even if you get sick of me one day, I’ll never forget you. I will never love anyone as much as I love you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Onodera had to breathe deeply to hold his tears back. He wanted to speak, to tell Takano “Me too! I love you so much I can’t even think of loving anyone else, too!” but his chest was too tight and his throat was burning and he couldn’t quite seem to squeeze the words out.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Takano continued. “I get worried that you’ll get tired of this relationship, tired of dealing with a grumpy, snarky, horny idiot like me. I don’t want to lose you again, Ritsu.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Onodera felt more than heard Takano’s breath hitch.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Takano was crying.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Onodera pulled back out of Takano’s embrace reluctantly, looking into his glassy eyes. “Takano-san,” he whispered. His hands rested on Takano’s shoulders as he leaned up to press their lips together. He kissed him gently, tenderly, trying to convey all of his feelings through touch rather than words. Takano let him have full control because he didn’t think he could really do much else other than <em>feel</em> at that moment.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Their lips melded for a long time before Onodera pulled back. “I’m sorry,” Onodera said. “I’m sorry I’ve caused you so much pain. I’m sorry my indecisiveness has made you worry so much. I was selfish, I didn’t think of how any of this was affecting you. I just assumed you were okay no matter what I said and that was wrong. I’m so sorry. I’ve never meant to hurt you with anything. Ever. Not now, not six months ago, not ten years ago. I’ve always just truly wanted to be together with you. But I’m dense and careless and I screwed it up. So, I’m sorry, Takano-san. I truly am.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Takano’s tears had finally spilled over. He pulled Onodera back into him again. “I accept your apology. But why does it sound like you’re about to say something I don’t want to hear?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Onodera willed down the bile rising in his throat. “I just don’t feel like I’m good enough for you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Takano grabbed his shoulders and pushed him back with so much force that he had to take a step back. “Not good enough?! Onodera, do you <em>really think</em> that I give a shit about something that petty? After all this time? After all the love I’ve shown you?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“That’s just it, though! All I ever do is take, take, take! I never give you anything! You constantly put yourself out there for my sake and do everything in your power to make me understand that you love me, yet I can’t bring myself to do <em>anything</em>!” He was out of breath, now. He avoided Takano’s gaze, who just stared at him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Takano’s voice was so quiet Onodera had to strain to hear it past the blood rushing through his ears. “Do you love me? Truly?” He sounded so sad, so weak, so <em>broken.</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yes,” Onodera choked out. “I know I don’t say it enough, that’s exactly what I’m talking about. Yes, I love you. It’s just hard for me to show it sometimes.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Takano felt calmer now, because despite Onodera’s apprehensiveness and previous statements alluding to breaking up, he knew the man was being genuine. “Why is it hard?” His voice was soft, level, without a hint of malice. He needed Onodera to know that he just wanted answers so they could fix whatever the hell this was. “It wasn’t hard for you in high school. What changed?” He rested his hands on Onodera’s shoulders.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I don’t know. I just have so many feelings spinning around in my head. I can’t make sense of it. And high school was different. I didn’t know heartbreak then.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well, I need you to know that I won’t break your heart like that again, even if it was all a misunderstanding. Nothing like that is going to happen again.” Takano tilted Onodera’s head up to meet his gaze. “Okay? And I don’t mind being the only one giving. Because whether you realize it or not, you give me the world all over again every time I wake up next to you, or every time you smile at me. I would give up everything if I could just wake up with you every morning, even if you never told me you loved me.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A whimper escaped Onodera’s throat as a new wave of tears hit him. He unconsciously let his eyes flutter shut, waiting for Takano’s lips to meet his with their usual passionate presence.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>sorry if this is kinda cheesy?? i got a bit carried away bahaha. anyways ty for reading xoxo</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. ROMANTICA: No More Secrets</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Misaki cried into Usami’s shoulder for another twenty minutes before they were both too exhausted to even sit up anymore. They tucked into bed and slept the whole morning. Misaki didn’t really mind missing his classes once in a while if it meant he got to spend the day cuddled up in his lover’s embrace.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He wouldn’t admit that though; as much as he loved Usami, he didn’t want to feed his ego any more.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Misaki woke up around 11:30 that afternoon. He stared at the ceiling and unconsciously nestled further into Usami’s chest. His eyes still felt sensitive and he was thirsty, but he was thankful to get some uninterrupted sleep. He sighed, still feeling the weight of his anxiety running through him. He felt better, he had to admit; talking about the nightmares was relieving for him. But there was still something else on his mind, one of the <em>triggers</em> of his poor sleep.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It didn’t exactly feel right to just bring the novel up out of the blue. But Usami wanted him to be honest, he knew that. It didn’t make it any easier, though.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He grabbed his phone from the nightstand, careful not to disturb Usami. He flicked through his contacts until he found the name “Onodera Ritsu” and messaged him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>Good morning, Onodera-san! It’s Takahashi Misaki from yesterday. When you have a moment to chat, I’d love to get your opinion on something.</strong>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <strong>Good morning, Takahashi-san. What do you need?</strong>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <strong>Well, this is a little weird, so sorry to bother you, but I don’t know who else to ask. You just seemed strong-willed, and I don’t really have many friends.<br/>What do you do when you feel like someone is keeping a secret from you?</strong>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <strong>They probably have a reason for it.</strong>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <strong>You’re probably right. But we’ve established that there will be no more secrets. I’m starting to get worried. It’s probably nothing, though.<br/>You know what, never mind. Sorry to bother you Onodera-san. Please just forget about this.</strong>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <strong>You’re not bothering me, don’t worry. </strong>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p><em>This is about Usami-sensei, isn’t it? </em>Onodera thought to himself. He knew Misaki probably wouldn’t admit to them dating, though.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>If you’re that worried about the secret, why not just ask? Being open is the best option in any relationship. </strong>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Says me.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>I know, I’m just worried I’ll be bothering them. They might get mad if I pry.</strong>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <strong>You won’t know until you try. Just be nice about it.</strong>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>I really should take my own damn advice.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Usami was awoken by Misaki at noon. Normally, he would be grumpy about waking up, but he didn’t really have it in him to get mad at Misaki when his eyes were still red and puffy and his voice still hoarse from his breakdown that morning. So, instead of yelling, he tugged Misaki down into his chest.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Are you feeling any better?” he asked, stroking Misaki’s hair.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“A little. I’m still kind of worn out, but I got some rest at least.” He lay still on his lover’s chest, listening to his steady heartbeat. “How about I make some lunch?” he said after a moment.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“…Sure.” Usami didn’t let Misaki stand up, though; he scooped his lover into his arms and stood from the bed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hey, what the hell?” Misaki sputtered. “Put me down, Usagi-san!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Nope, I’m taking care of you all day.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What? Oh, come on, you can’t be serious. Just because I was crying doesn’t mean I <em>can’t walk</em>!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Usami ignored him as he walked into the hallway. He paused as Misaki flailed in his arms. He looked down into Misaki’s eyes, and they locked onto his.  The two stared at each other for an extended moment, the silence stretching like taffy between them. Usami finally spoke. “There’s something else, isn’t there?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Misaki stilled. His stomach twisted into knots and he felt as if the wind was knocked out of him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“There’s another reason you were crying, right?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Misaki took a moment to answer. “Well, to be honest, I was actually crying because I was overwhelmed from not sleeping. But why would you think there’s something else?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“The way you’re evading the question is evidence enough.” Usami’s eyes bore into his as he set Misaki down, but still held his hand. “Misaki. You promised to be honest.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Misaki bit his lip. <em>This is the last thing I want to talk about! I’m gonna sound like such a kid, getting jealous over a </em>book<em>.</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>“<em>Misaki</em>.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>I said I’d be honest. I said I’d be honest. And Onodera-san thought it would be fine. I just need to stay calm.</em> He took a deep breath. “Okay, okay!” He threw his hands up. “There is something else. But honestly, it’s not that big of a deal, so please don’t worry so much-”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Stop stalling.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Misaki sighed. He fiddled with the hem of his t-shirt, not making eye contact anymore. “I don’t like being left out of what this new book is about. And yeah, I know you usually don’t tell me about your books, anyway, but Aikawa keeps telling me about how excited she is for this one and how good it’s gonna be. But you haven’t said anything. At all. And yeah, I guess that’s typical, but I’m still-”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Misaki, you don’t need to explain so much, I get it.” Usami chuckled and ran a hand through his hair. “Honestly, I was planning on showing you when it was published, but it looks like my little plan backfired.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Misaki’s brow furrowed. <em>Plan?</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Come here.” Usami tugged his hand and led Misaki towards his office. He booted up his computer and pulled Misaki into his lap, who complained, of course, but he was silenced when Usami’s arms wrapped around his waist and his head found its way to his shoulder.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Usami opened up a document and took a deep breath. “It doesn’t have a title yet, and it’s not finished, but this is it.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Misaki stared blankly at the page. “Do you want me to…?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Read the first page.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Misaki read over the first page of the document and Usami watched his features. He took note of every shift of emotion, the scrunch of his eyebrows, the creases around his eyes. Suddenly, Misaki turned to face him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Is this… is this about… me?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Usami couldn’t tell exactly what his lover was feeling. “Yes. I wanted to perfect it before having you read it, but…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh God, wait, I’m sorry. You had this whole plan and I had to go and get worked up and-”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Usami shushed him and stole his lips in a brief kiss before speaking. “It doesn’t matter anymore. What matters is that you’re reading it now.” He smiled. His breath fanned over Misaki’s skin, making him squirm.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Is the whole thing like this?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Like what?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Sappy.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Usami chuckled. “I wouldn’t necessarily call it <em>sappy</em>, but I understand your lack of talent when it comes to words.” He ruffled Misaki’s hair, who pouted at the jab. “But yes, the entire thing is <em>like that</em>. Though I would like to call it <em>heartfelt</em>.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Misaki’s face heated and he wriggled in Usami’s hold. “It almost sounds like a marriage proposal,” he joked.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Usami smirked. “And what if it is?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Misaki just grumbled but kissed his lover regardless.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It seemed silly, in hindsight, being so worked up over a book. Especially since the book was basically “100 reasons why I’m in love with Takahashi Misaki” (though Usami would argue that he loves Misaki for <em>infinite</em> reasons and 100 could never cover the extent of his affections).</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Misaki hated to admit it, too, but he <em>really</em> couldn’t wait for the book to be published. Mostly so he could read it, yes, but also in part because he and Usami hadn’t had sex in <em>ages</em> because he was so busy writing. Those words probably wouldn’t leave his lips, though. Not that they had to; Usami knew his young lover well enough to understand his frustrations.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>gosh i'm SO CLOSE to finishing this lol. it's been a long ass journey lmao. there will be one chapter after this to tie up any loose ends and basically just conclude with the 2 couples<br/>ty for reading &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. MIX: Wrap-Up</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>the final chapter! yay!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Misaki texted Onodera a week later.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>Thank you so much for your help the other day, Onodera-san. </strong>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <strong>Of course, it was no trouble at all. I’m assuming all is well, then?</strong>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <strong>Yes! I really was worrying over nothing. You won’t believe it; he’s writing a book about me!</strong>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>Misaki froze after sending that last text. <em>Shit. Shit! I got carried away and told him! There’s no way he doesn’t know now. Oh my God, I’m an idiot.</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>Onodera simply didn’t respond, chuckling at his phone from the other end.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Takano texted Usami that day, as well.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>Usami-sensei, thank you again for your advice.</strong>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <strong>I didn’t do much, really. I hope everything worked out.</strong>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <strong>It did, thank you.<br/>Did you figure out your issues, too?</strong>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <strong>My issues?</strong>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <strong>Oh, was I not supposed to know? Blame Onodera then.</strong>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>Takano shut off his phone and focused on his work before he could read the confused and most likely angry texts from Usami.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Misaki had been sleeping better since talking with Usami. He still had bad nights, that was a given, but they were becoming less frequent.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>At work one afternoon, he happened to run into Onodera and Takano again while being his department’s personal delivery boy (oh, the joys of part-time work). He passed them in the hallway with a wave and a smile, trying to act natural after <em>admitting that he was dating a world-famous author that also happened to be a part of Marukawa and ALSO happened to have been edited by Onodera before</em>.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Onodera didn’t comment, bless his soul, but Takano (unsurprisingly) did.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You seem in good spirits, Takahashi-kun,” he said with a smirk. “All is going well with-” Onodera elbowed him with a glare. He sent Misaki an “I’m so sorry” look as he dragged Takano back to their office.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Misaki couldn’t really have it in him to be mad, though. It was his fault after all. Besides, it was clear those two were dating, anyway, even he could tell that. He grinned to himself and continued on with his business.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>thanks to all of you who stuck around this long! honestly this fic went in a wayyyy different direction than I had planned, and I'm not too sure I'm super happy with the result lol, but at this point I'm just glad it's finished. I hope you enjoyed this cheesy mess of a self-indulgent fic. tysm for reading&lt;3&lt;3</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I hope you liked it! Kudos and comments are greatly appreciated :)) Thanks for reading &lt;3<br/>I'll try my absolute best to update frequently!!!!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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